Why am I not married?
That's a question worth pondering, with a multifaceted answer. I am a mom. I am a daughter of God first, a mom second. No, I am not anxiously awaiting the opportunity to marry the dad of my child. We actually are "together" - we co-habitate and consider one another to be significant others. Our child will soon be 16, and there were about 6 years we weren't together. Our child and I even relocated out of state. I had always planned on relocating, and it was never a secret in our relationship. At one point, it was a mutual goal. Two and a half years after my move, he followed - thus the reunification of our significant other relationship. You see, he and I have always been great friends. We were besties before the term was coined. But something happened in the years we were apart. We both grew, but not being together, we grew in different ways. There was a time when we didn't have to be concerned about how choices or decisions we made affected the relationship. Not to say that when you're in a relationship you can't grow apart, but it's easier to do when you're not together. Now we're at a state where there's friendship, but the romance just isn't there. I'm not sure if it will ever be there, again, and I'm ok with that.
I have met guys (both men & boys - legal, but immature) throughout the years and entertained relationships with them, but no one really gained enough of a spot in my life to be introduced to my child. I did say I'm a mom second. My child is so very special to me. I love him to pieces and would do anything for him. One thing he would not see is his mom with numerous would-be suitors that weren't worthy of his acknowledgement. This is not to say that I didn't have fun dates filled with good conversation, but when it all boils down, there was always the question, "Is this someone worthy of meeting my child?" in my mind. I have friends that feel I could have pursued dating more. It is my opinion that my life has progressed on the course it is to take. I do see myself married in the future. To whom, I don't know.
My child and his success are the things at the forefront of my mind. I mentioned he'll be 16 soon. College is in 2.5 years. I need to do all that I can to ensure he continues on a path to greatness. He is already a young man that is praised for the wonderful human that he is. I am often told of how well I have raised him. That, to me, is success. And no, I cannot make all choices for him anymore. I cannot shield him from all of the hurts in the world. But what I can do is be the mom that he needs me to be. Continue to support him when he's high on the triumph of victory, or down when there is defeat.
So, again, why am I not married? It's just not my time.
